Bah Humbug.

Today is one of those days where I feel like God is watching me Real World Style trying to watch me get through the agonizing doldrums of my life. No REAL complaints... but silly, centralist and naive INside drama that is teenage at worst and horrifyingly immature at best.
I want to take a bath. The first tub, filled beatuifully with lavendar bath salts and candles all aflutter, would not hold the water. The thing-y that you press to make the drain stop up doesn't DO that.
SO... I tell myself, as I rather annoyingly gathered all of my materials to head to the OTHER tub ( see folks, I can't believe I even HAVE two tubs- hence the lack of understanding just where exactly I am coming from!) and the water won't get hot. I am assuming it's because we are, therefore, out.
I begrudgingly slammed through the dinner dishes, which only ten minutes prior I had so boldly declared..." I am sick of doing the dishes and will NOT do them tonight, instead I will take a bath."
Ha! Looks like I don't get to pick and choose the fate of my life. But...it was just a bath! Now here I sit, with dry, dish-cracked hands and am slightly miserably wet from not taking my time with the dishes and instead splashing and romping in the sink like a preschool child- looks like in my own way I did get a bath. Only I don't look or smell pretty or clean and my steam-curled hair is quite the irritatingly frizzy mess.
I WOULD go to bed, but it's only 7:30, and that is a full-on hour before my "very early bed time" and I would feel simply like a quitter if I turned in now.
Maybe the best thing for me to do, after this confessional, is to find a good book and snuggle deep into the covers where nothing can bite me but my own salty self.
G'Night!

Melting

The weather has turned and for the last few days the sun's heat has warmed my world. No more sweatshirts and jeans. More more hats and gloves. I was actually thinking to start planting some flowers for the patio. It's too late for tulips but there is plenty of time for lilles and daisies.
I went to the city yesterday to attend a play with a friend. In our post culture meal she asked me a lot of questions about my church. She explained that she was working with some Christians and admitted thier strength was truly amazing to her and she was impressed by thier ability's to maintain peace and composure at a job that few make it in for more than a year or two.
She suggested that this whole "Christian thing" might have some validity to it. She has been reading the bible as well. Last August her heart was very cold and brazenly told my husband that she could never see herself bow down to anything or anyone.
I will continue to pray for her that she may see the same warmth on the planet as I do.

Cry Baby

It came to me through a conversation of late that I was whining. I heard myself whining out loud over a shepard salad, flaming saganaki, and the cheapest bottle of white AND after a two hundred dollar shopping spree.
Doesn't really sound like I had a lot to whine about. But I am stressed out. And this luxurious day to me was just that- a special luxury organized just in time to avoid a total nervous breakdown in the face of another move. With five days notice. Have I mentioned I am a planner?
Anyway- last October, I got engaged. By November I had a wedding dress, an engagement party, a wedding hall ( after several, VERY stress filled adventures!) AND a wedding date.
By December I moved out of my city apartment and into my fiance's apartment in the suburbs, coneviently located only ten minutes from work.
In Januray, I was the guest of honor at several showers and the wedding invitations were in the mail and a photogrpaher was officially chosen. Appointments were booked for hair and nails and flowers were given the final a-okay. Oh yeah- and mu fiance and I were baptised and I ran the talent show at work....
In February, we bought a condo and got married. And I was responsible for running the Turnabout Dance at work....
In March, I collapsed in exhaustion. JUST kidding! In March, we painted all seven rooms of the condo along with added new carpeting. And we are moving on Wednesday of this week. And I organized and attended the Snowball retreat at work...
And so THURSDAY I will collapse in exhaustion. Oh wait, I can't... I am going to a play that night and don't want to miss it!
Is it weird to already be looking forward to next weekend when it's only Saturday of THIS weekend?
I am really looking forward to my life settling down a little bit. Even good changes are stressful.
At least today I took some time to get a hair cut at Great Clips and had my nails done. It's stuff like that that makes me feel not completely out of control and like I am not a complete wreck.
I am looking forward to church tomorrow and signed up to attend a women's retreat at the end of the month. I am keeping my eye on God and know that this will be for the best and over soon!
Sigh.

It's the Little Things

Just to make sure it wasn't some kind of sick joke, I actually looked up the number to Empire Carpets before I called them. And it's true- that really is their number.
The guy came by today.
And carpet isn't nearly as cheap as I thought it was.
How quickly I was changing my tune when I was hearing final and total costs.
I suddenly went from a classy girl to a conservative girl that went from the trendy versaille stuff all the way down to the chintzy berber stuff.
And personally, I don't really care all that much- I do want it to look nice and match the newly painted walls... and I want the resale value to be okay.
I think we did okay and will be happy enough with our choices.
The next time my little piggies are gracing soft and mushy sandy suede carpet, I will be sure to mention to the owner that I enjoy stepping on their carpets and thanks very much for sharing.

Step On It Lady

It's a hard fact that I have brought baggage into my marriage. Namely, jealousy.
It is preventing happiness in me and I am struggling to conquer it. Even worse, when I do feel jealousy creeping in, I justify it. Like I deserve it. I have spent so much time lately focusing on the jealousy that it has taken over my insides.
The horrible part of all of this is that it affects my husband. And of course my relationship with him.
The bible clearly states, James 3:16 "For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing."
What is so difficult about that to understand? Nothing, but I get upset that this does not internalize like I want it to.
When I was young, my Mom would inevitably, towards the end of summer and at her wit's end with her children, be frustrated by her little girl that, out of boredom, would insist on picking a fight with her. Her responses were things like, "Go find something to do."
I think that same advice applies here. I need to find something to do with my free time. I am trying- but I don't want to do stuff just to do stuff. I want to make choices that I feel good about it and that I feel God gives me the green light for.
In the mean time I need to work on my heart.

The Better to Hear You With My Dear!

I am on Spring Break this week due to my teaching job. And although I am three days in I am not really feeling like it yet. It's hard to break away from the routine and just relax. Two days ago on Saturday my parents and my brother came to help us paint our new condo. We finished most of it but we still need to go and paint three more rooms. In the meantime, the apartment we are living in until we move into the condo is getting smaller by the second. Actually, as I sit here on the couch and look out, I think I can see the walls inching in.
Our apartment is one big open room. When, and if, I cook, my husband watches TV and talks to me from the couch. I think we both rather like this arrangment as we are not forced to make conversation, but when we want to it's easy and convenient.
Our new condo on the other hand, has a seperated kitchen and living room. As we were painting and cleaning it kindof started to sink in that this would mean things would be changed up a bit. Trying to have a conversation with this arrangment would mean the upstairs neighbor would be banging on his floor! Just wait 'til we start jamming out to Toby Mac!
It's always the little things!
I am looking forward to moving in- as it stands, our wedding presents are in stacks in the garage. I just went through our registry last night so I could remember all the gifts we were given. Sheets, towels, mixing bowls, cookware, plates, glasses, and on and on and on. I can't wait to start using it all, becasue at the age of 33, I was starting to think I would never get married and almost just threw myself a big 'ole shebang so I could finally have the "stuff" I would need to have a grown up dinner party and bedroom.
Funny thing is is that once I started following the Word I didn't really care about all of that...

Where Have All the Flowers Gone?

So last summer I welcomed JC into my life and into my heart. It's been great and I wouldn't change it, but humbling... SO humbling. The biggest challenge of my flesh has been with my former-problably-won't-stay-that-way-friends.
It's hard to tell the girls I used to get hammered with that I now view thier playground as a sinner's mecca and I won't have anything to do with it. They either judge me or feel like I am judging. Either which way it is stressful and unless they become saved our friendship(s) are going to have a hard time making it. They have NO idea how hard this has all been. And despite the difficulties I may face or have encountered, there is no way I am going back nor do I want to. Me and J.C. are tight and I want to keep it that way by following his word the best I can- and I am afraid- Slugging 'em back in an Irish pub all afternoon after sleeping in and skipping church isn't getting me ANY closer to a "Welcome and come on in!" at those pearly gates.
Opportunities for new friendships are beginning to blossom and I welcome them, but it's never the same as meeting an old girlfriend for lunch and letting her here you vent and then you hearing HER vent and then laughing it all away... together! Nowadays when I find myself driving to meet an old friend I usually feel tense for the barrage of questions and interrogations I will get for my new lifestyle choices. New friends don't offer the same comforts.
I am trying to be patient.