Step On It Lady

It's a hard fact that I have brought baggage into my marriage. Namely, jealousy.
It is preventing happiness in me and I am struggling to conquer it. Even worse, when I do feel jealousy creeping in, I justify it. Like I deserve it. I have spent so much time lately focusing on the jealousy that it has taken over my insides.
The horrible part of all of this is that it affects my husband. And of course my relationship with him.
The bible clearly states, James 3:16 "For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing."
What is so difficult about that to understand? Nothing, but I get upset that this does not internalize like I want it to.
When I was young, my Mom would inevitably, towards the end of summer and at her wit's end with her children, be frustrated by her little girl that, out of boredom, would insist on picking a fight with her. Her responses were things like, "Go find something to do."
I think that same advice applies here. I need to find something to do with my free time. I am trying- but I don't want to do stuff just to do stuff. I want to make choices that I feel good about it and that I feel God gives me the green light for.
In the mean time I need to work on my heart.